"Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence.”
Henry David Thoreau
When life recklessly strikes, and you find yourself on a road you never intended to travel, you may begin questioning your worth. Feeling as though you are being punished for past transgressions, you collapse and absorb the victimization of fate. Circumstances define you, whether it be fear, failure, or anxiety, but you are not any of those. You are a human experiencing hardships and challenges. And so is everyone else.
In the span of just a few months, I lost my husband and my mom. Guilt was my kryptonite. The questions I carried were ones like, “what more could I have done? what did I miss that could have prevented their deaths?” and the dreaded, “if only I had…”. The shadow of guilt lingered over me for years. Most people seemed as though they could handle life really well, so in comparison, I was a victim of my weakness. However, in Galatians 6:4-5, we are reminded not to “compare yourself with others.” The struggles of others are not obvious, so “you must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.”
It wasn’t until I began connecting with others that I realized I was not all that special; everyone suffers through difficult times. Friends and family listened and walked with me along this crooked path. As my resilience strengthened, I acquired the capacity to ask them about their own grief processes, and soon the darkness cracked, letting in rays of hope. Nelson Mandela wrote that “...we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” The reciprocity of love!
Finding connection was vital for me to survive the blows life threw me. “The need for connection and community is primal,” Dr. Dean Ornish states, and is “as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food.” We are students and teachers for each other as we all hobble through the difficulties of loss during our journey, and we are also there to celebrate our wins!
You are not your circumstance, and although “you are wired for struggle,” Brene Brown writes, “...you are worthy of love and belonging.”
Labels cannot define you.