Thursday, July 28, 2022 Quote of the day

“Shout out to people who complement each other and genuinely mean it. Jealousy is unnecessary. Lift each other up. It’s nice to be nice.”

Anna Vienne

When we lift up each other, we also lift ourselves! If we stay buried in the depths of our sorrow, we cannot feel the warmth of light. Activist, author, and podcaster Christine Caine reminds us that “sometimes when you’re in a dark place, you think you’ve been buried, but actually you’ve been planted.”

Even within our processes of grieving, we can reach for the light that perpetually burns within us. As we wrestle with our loss, we still hold the hope, a hope that lifts our heads and hearts to others believing we can heal. Romans 5:3-4 encourages that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” Your suffering is tethered to all those who have lost because everyone has or will.

As I watched the thousands of people in the airports, and peered out the tiny windows of the plane, I realized I am not the only one who suffers loss. It is humbling to realize I am not all that special. Our brothers and sisters who walk among us on this planet need just as much support and encouragement as we do. Your light isn’t noticed in a room that is already bright. Don’t be afraid to walk into the room. We all need one another.

Renowned writer and public speaker Paula Rinehart reminds us that we have an inextinguishable light within us and that we need to “push back the darkness with our own light...the strength that comes from wrestling with our fears will give us wings to fly.” Be kind, smile, and love.

Be the wings of hope for others. See you Tuesday

wednesday, July 27, 2022 Quote of the day

“Kindness restores the mind’s flexibility–when kindness is distributed to all, it expands our tolerance, acceptance, and love.”

Unknown

We meet many people along our daily journey. We pass them knowing not what they are facing or what they are experiencing, nor do they know what is in our own hearts. Does our narrowness keep us too much in our own lane that we fail to acknowledge others? Are we so absorbed in our electronics that we have lost the art of casual conversation and common courtesy of a simple hello or a genuine smile?

Lift your eyes up and into the present. Mother Teresa’s reflection from yesterday’s blog reminds us that smiles are easy and serve as gentle reminders that we validate each other. I find choosing to smile to be a celebration even when grief has its stranglehold on me. A smile is a commitment to myself that helps me to forge onward. It is the vibration needing to be infiltrated into our daily lives and out into the world around us. Even when you are weakened by grief, a smile can lessen your pain.

The Dalai Lama said once that “tolerance and patience should not be read as a sign of weakness. They are signs of strength.” Smiles do the same by providing a simple gesture, an extension of human compassion, not just to strangers, but for ourselves too. Smiles build strength; strength enabling us to carry onward despite what is in our hearts.

There is a fight inside me that will not allow death and grief to steal away the possibilities of the miracles that abound all around. I cannot let grief win. The power of kindness through a smile is miraculous. Smiles and love…the more we give away, the greater our return. Leonard Nimoy reminds us that “the miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have.”

Share your miracle…because you are one!

tuesday, July 26, 2022 Quote of the day

“...smile at each other–it doesn’t matter who it is–and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.”

Mother Teresa

Airports. What comes to mind? Travelers darting through the terminals, men and women modestly disrobing at the security checks, babies babbling their discontent, blanketed teenagers slouched down into their phone’s entertainment, and long lines at coffee shops. Without a doubt, traveling tests patience and tolerance. Travelers relinquish control; they are at the mercy of long layovers, cancellations, and weather, but I have some wonderful news! Kindness wins overall.

Just be kind has been circulating in our cultural conversations and plastered on t-shirts over the last few years. However, I was beginning to wonder if kind has become so ubiquitous that its power has waned, sort of like the word awesome, but my restoration of kindness is restored.

Recently, I experienced very long layovers, five to eleven hour layovers, at airports throughout the country. There is only so much one can do to stay occupied, productive, or sane! However, after a full afternoon and evening of waiting in the airports, I did not encounter one negative person…not one!

Everyone smiled at each other, everyone was thoughtful, everyone was considerate! Everyone showed kindness. Although fatigue was worn heavily on the faces I met, we smiled at each other. Several people jumped up to help me with my overhead carry-on. Passengers were willing to change seats with others. When a painfully late plane finally arrived at the gate, no one grumbled “well, it’s about time”. Instead, people cheered, clapped, and high-fived one another!

Comedian Phyliss Diller, was known to say that “a smile is a curve that sets everything straight.” The simplicity of choosing to be considerate manifested a completely different energy. The trip I took to see Jim’s family was a very weepy one; I cried several times because I miss Jim sharing the seat beside me and my bed in the hotel room, but the positive energy of those strangers provided me strength.

Never give up on the power of a smile.

thursday, July 21, 2022 Quote of the day

“You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.”

Mary Tyler Moore

All of us at one time or another will lose, so it’s imperative we band together when it happens..not if, but when. Whether it is a job, a shattered relationship, our team’s shot at the World Series, or grieving a loss of a loved one, we will not always get what we desire.

If our dream job dropped in our laps with little effort, or my beloved St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series every year, the thrill would soon lessen and the reward meaningless. Never learned would be determination, grit, and gumption that lifts us up to try again. As I continue to reflect on losing my husband, I now express gratitude for our love. God brought us together, but we never belonged to each other; we belonged to God first.

Mahatma Gandhi mentions in his writings that we need to have the mindset of being desireless and instead, graciously accept the will of the greater power. Desire clutters our thinking and creates clingy attachments. It is the Hindu belief that detaching from what the world presents is crucial. Casting our attention back to our Source is life sustaining. Romans 12:2 agrees to not be conformed by the world and instead to align ourselves with the will of God. “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven”, even when we don’t understand.

Indian Hindu mystic philosopher, Rabindranath Tagore, quoted, “Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.” We will suffer because we love, but we have the kingdom within us, so we possess the strength and courage to pursue.

Bravery conquers fear. See you Tuesday

wednesday, July 20, 2022 Quote of the day

“One of the greatest necessities in America is to discover creative solitude.”

Carl Sandburg

Being alone with my grief was terrifying. When I chose stillness over busyness, the tsunami of my loss crashed through me and dragged everything I was out into the sea’s rage. All that remained of me was a drenched, desolate shore.

Nature provides instruction for us if we pay attention. Just as a tsunami defaces the shoreline, fire incinerates the vegetation. However, the fire also clears away the brush, which allows the sunlight to penetrate more deeply into the forest floor. The burn leaves behind enriched nutrients restoring health to the trees and encourages new growth. At first glance, the devastation left behind by nature is unimaginable, but over time, the scenery transforms. The choice for us then while we are grieving is when to release the devastation and see the hope-filled transformation.

Do not deny your devastation, but don’t stay there too long. I was devastated when Jim passed, and I spent the next few months waiting to join him. I could not envision life without him, but then hope in many forms shined brightly back into my life.

I surrendered to authority, to my God, for I believe that the Universe has an intention for me…an intention that was planned out before my days began. To surrender and submit to the force higher than my knowledge, is my duty to serve the greater whole. It is within this space, we open wide the door for grief to exit and let love and acceptance in.

I memorized Psalm 31:14-15, and I still recite it on walks when I want to connect to my Source; “I trust you Jesus, for you are my God, my times are in your hands.”

The life that exists after tragedy, is the Beginning of Everything!

tuesday, July 19, 2022 Quote of the day

"Creativity thrives on doing nothing.”

David Kundtz

Life, as we know it, thrives to stay busy. In American culture, it seems one’s worth is based on juggling several balls in the air simultaneously. The measurement of failure or success is how long we can keep tossing them up and around before one or all come crashing down in a cluttered heap. And we fear that everyone is watching, just waiting for our balls to plummet.

During my earliest grieving, I too kept a few balls in the air in order to stay busy. If I was preoccupied, I could avoid the gut-wrenching pain, at least for a while. I was searching for things outside of my head and heart that would fix it. I filled photo albums with pictures, I prepared all the meals Jim and I enjoyed together, I visited museums and parks where we frequented. I even tattooed his name and Just Breathe in his handwriting on my wrist, but nothing fixed my sadness…nothing outside of me ever could.

Eventually, I realized that chasing external stimuli only prolonged the inevitable; I would have to greet and welcome in my grief. I needed to provide a room for it, somewhere for it to go when it knocked within my heart. The author of today’s quote illustrates that doing nothing invites us to be still, so I exchanged my busyness for stillness. I stopped chasing things outside myself and looked inward.

Being still allows connections between our true selves and our creator. As Eckhart Tolle so eloquently claims, “True intelligence operates silently. Stillness is where creativity and solutions to problems are found.” Stillness is not hiding. Stillness is the sustained silence that we find from within.

Where there is stillness, there will be answers.

thursday, July 14, 2022 Quote of the day

“Wisdom comes only through suffering.”

Buddha

In 1978, The Cars wrote a song suggesting that we should let the good times roll, let them knock you around, let the good times roll. It reminds me of the commercials showing perfectly tanned men and women on the beach sharing a Coke, playing frisbee, and sand volleyball. No worries, no anxiety, and no confrontation.

As I have written before, sadness and happiness are temporary; eventually, the dark of night will be overridden by the sunrise just as our emotions will give way to another. Just as nature does with night and day, as well as the seasons, ancient Chinese philosophy noted the Yin and Yang, which explains the opposing yet complementary forces of life. If we stayed on the beach sipping soft drinks, we would never be enriched.

Sure we want life to go in the direction we are steering, but it is the bumps and potholes that digs into the soul much more deeply. Of course we do not want our loved ones to pass, but the absence can strengthen our love and appreciation of the time we shared.

The quote from Buddha encapsulates the importance of complementary opposites.

Two concepts to think on…knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is what we learn from textbooks, resources, and media. Wisdom on the other hand, is only attained through living, feeling, and experiencing. Wisdom is what lies on the other side of trials, tears, pain, and loss. Wisdom cannot be taught; wisdom is the gift of suffering.

Jim and I spoke to our priest at the beginning of his cancer journey. The priest was very consoling and listened. He explained the difference between knowledge and wisdom with a great example. He said that he knows there is a big place in Italy called Vatican City. But since he visited the Vatican, he now has wisdom of it through his experience. He furthered the discussion about God; he knows there is a God, but until he experiences heaven, it is called faith.

Faith is what is needed after a great loss. The awareness and acceptance that life is a mélange of trials and abundance, prevents us from becoming stagnant. Faith will progress and refashion our hearts!

There is still much growing to do. See you Tuesday

Wednesday, July 13, 2022 Quote of the day

"We are all just walking each other home.”

Ram Dass

No one is spared from adversity. Likewise, no one is deprived of joy either. Life is a balance of both. Although we’d love for happiness to steep inside us like a hot cup of ginger tea, the water will eventually cool and not be as wanting. Easy times are labeled good and troublesome times are labeled bad, but perhaps we should remove the labels and as Miriam Greenspan suggests, we call them “universal experiences” ?

The culture now accentuates the joys of our lives. A new career path opens, the twelve-year-old car is finally traded in for a newer one, or the birth of a new baby are all momentous. Those are depicted on social media and atop conversations. But when adversities creep in, or smash through, those tend to be hidden. Buddha taught that “wisdom comes only through suffering” so if we try to avoid suffering, the healing is stunted.

Just as we enjoy sharing our new car on Instagram, we need to be comfortable with sharing the loss of a job, or the sadness from losing a loved one. Greenspan furthers her reflections in saying that these misfortunes are not just universal, but they are sacred. Losses are shared by the 7 billion people who walk this earth. There is a strong possibility that when the culture shifts into a more mindful and accepting tone, we can help each other not just share in the happiness, but the grief as well.

Share your story because they are everyone else's too.

tuesday, July 12, 2022 Quote of the day

"We could live lifetimes in a single day.”

“Lifetimes”

By Sheryl Crow

Nature is where I find the quiet whisper from God. God’s whisper is a sough of wind through the treetops, a chorus of singing birds, and the delicate trickle of water flowing down the rocky creek bed…the soft whisper, which speaks so boldly. Nature calls to me; I physically ache if I don’t make time for a walk through the woods throughout the week.

A morning not too long ago, my dog and I took our usual early morning walk, but this day, I decided to go to the waterfall behind my house. The setting was exactly what my soul needed. We waded in the creek together, Phoebe trying to get rocks from the bottom of the river, while I watched the dappled sunlight reflecting off the water. Then BAM!

Slime grows on rocks, and the sole of my shoe happened to find a spot of it. My body slipped out from under me, and I found half of my body under the water. I wasn’t hurt; the fall was well-distributed, but I sure didn’t anticipate my tumble. Within a couple of seconds, I was looking at a whole different set of circumstances that had manifested in front of me that I did not plan.

My fall was not life-changing, but it did indicate for me how fast our life events can change. I think back to the morning when Heaven called Jim home; immediately life as I knew it ended. Sheryl Crow’s lyrics stating that we can live lifetimes in a single day is exactly what I experienced the day he was called home. I would dare to say that you can identify with her lyrics as well as you contemplate and reflect on your losses.

Crow writes in her song, “Lifetimes” that the loss we experience provides the fodder for our courage and strength to persevere…to continue…

I dreamed I was swimming, fighting the undertow

Drifting in circles, no place to go

And when I woke up, I was wringing wet

So much stronger than before

May we find buoyancy in our storms

StoryLight Transforming Pain Into Purpose Sharon M Wible