thursday, January 27, 2022 Quote of the day

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”

Helen Keller

This week’s theme has been about lacing up our shoes and running! Because of Maslow’s theory, we assess our personal inventory, determining where we are and what we need. We are finally able to draw adequate conclusions on the process of our healing. Dare we say we feel empowered?

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs provides a safe, flexible, yet sturdy model we can reference to grow beyond our sadness. Maslow furthered this idea by believing that growing “is an ongoing process in which people continue to stretch themselves and achieve new heights of well-being, creativity, and fulfillment.” From this point, we can reach beyond our imaginations. Grief is now tangible, like clay, that we can shape something, once so ugly, into something that thrives with life.

I am so grateful for those who’ve written books and shared their experiences. Through their creativity, their stories of love, loss, and survival are told. A gem that became one of my biggest anchors was Option B: Facing Diversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, a book written by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. Ms. Sandberg realizes we all face adversity, but we can find our way through it. She writes that we forever forfeited our Option A, yet we can learn to “kick the shit out of” and create a new Option B. Currently, I am reading Adam Grant’s new book, Think Again. I guess I have just assigned you homework!

The quote by Keller reminds us that we are not alone in our suffering. Grief touches us all. When grief slowly begins receding from our heart’s shore, we notice those who are still deeply suffering. They are needing to see the creative expression we have manifested from our loss.

Find your creative niche and share. The world needs your talent!

See you Tuesday

wednesday, January 26, 2022 Quote of the day

“How bold one gets when one is sure of being loved.”

Sigmund Freud

The healing from loss is a process. Examine closely and take inventory of what you have and what you are lacking. According to psychologist Abraham Maslow, he believed that those wanting to personally develop can only achieve fulfillment through the safety and security of their environment as well as the people within it. So, do you have the building blocks to heal?

The basic necessities of food, water, and rest is the foundation of sustaining life. Take into account your diet and how often you work out. If need be, take something doctor prescribed to help you sleep more soundly. Feeling secure and safe where you live offers reassuring comfort.

Most important, take into account your relationships whether it be with your children, book clubs, church committees, volunteering, or support groups. Committing and taking action in relationships holds you accountable to something or someone else that needs you. Before too long, you find yourself offering comfort. Your wisdom and words console others and validate yourself.

At the dawn of each new day, you soon will rediscover the you that was once wandering and lost. But this new you is stronger now because of solid foundations that hold you soundly. You’ve provided your own bootstraps, and with the help of others, you’ve managed to pull them up quite nicely! Only now can joy and peace return.

Healing is a process, a journey, and there are those who will assist you along the way. Reach out, and as Freud stated, be bold, knowing you are loved.

You are loved. Pass it on!

Tuesday, January 25, 2022 Quote of the day

“Let us throw off everything that hinders us and entangles us. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Hebrews 12: 1-3

The Creator provides the direction to proceed when He knows we are ready. In those moments of feeling stuck and powerless, however, it is essential to remain passive and still ourselves long enough to listen. This takes patience and time. When we are finally enlightened as to how we are to proceed, we face another task; identifying what still entangles us.

Two years ago, I moved from our home and into one that is just mine. The house we built together absolutely snarled my growth. The home we built was neither mine, nor his, but ours. Around every turn, the memories were so thick; I could still clearly visualize him in every room. Remaining there paralyzed me, so when I was ready, my current home was miraculously made available, and I moved.

The final evening before leaving the keys and the garage door openers behind, I poured a glass of wine, and visited every room. I toasted the house and the events we shared there that I now carry with me as beautiful memories. All the love and memories…we get to keep forever.

I need to still run the race both physically and metaphorically. Returning to what is good, like running, is an empirical necessity for me. Running has helped me stay sane and healthy for almost forty years, so it is an activity I need to resume. Lacing up my shoes and showing up for the rest of my life is what I owe to my Creator and to those who wait for me on the other side. We are not meant to stagnate. Grief cannot grip us that tightly.

I pray to live a good productive life that plays melodiously into God’s plan. I pray I produce goodness on this earth, so I may transcend to my eternal home. God brought me a tremendous love into my life, and it was His will to bring Jim back to Him. Jim finished the race whereas I am still running.

Lace up your shoes. And run!

thursday, January 20, 2022 Quote of the day

“Don’t fear moving slowly…Fear standing still.”

Kathleen Harris

When we first lose a loved one, we cannot believe they are gone. Anger slowly creeps in; you feel cheated because life as you know it is forever changed. You try to make sense of it by negotiating how this could have happened, wondering if there was anything you could have done. However, there is nothing. You resign to the inevitable. After some time, the mysterious workings of the Universe open and peace nudges the pain from our heart. The notion of accepting the loss is maybe a possibility.

My memoir’s subtitle is Getting Through To The Other Side of Grief. Is there truly such a thing? I still struggle, as we all will, if this is truly attainable. The other side of grief is not so much a destination but a sense of moving in a new direction.

One of our favorite songs came on the radio Sunday when I was out for a short drive. History was made; I did not cry! Instead…I smiled. The memories of our moments together listening and singing it, brought joy to my soul. I thanked God he blessed me with such a beautiful friend and soulmate. Even a year ago, the first few notes of that song would have brought me to my knees…but not today! No matter my speed, I am moving forward.

Death cannot steal the memories because love is stronger. “In the end,” as Catie Hartsfield quotes, “all that really matters is love.”

Peace to you as you find your way back to love. See you Tuesday.

wednesday, January 19, 2022 Quote of the day

“With God, it isn’t who you were that matters; it’s who you are becoming.”

Liz Curtis Higgs

So we’ve concluded that uncertainty is, paradoxically, the greatest guarantee. However, we have a choice as to how to handle life’s variabilities when we really wish our sails had found a different current. Perhaps one with a little less turbulence.

When I was little, I made table forts. Oh, how I loved table forts! To this day, I see a card table setting out, and I immediately want to throw pillows and a couple of afghans underneath, and drape a big blanket over the top and crawl under. Interestingly enough, over Thanksgiving, Jim’s dad, John, set up a card table for extra sitting room for dinner, and I wanted so badly to relive my younger memories. Not wanting to look ridiculous sitting under a card table, I instead enticed his two great-grandchildren to crawl under and “fort” with me.

Table forts are great until they have to be dismantled because the surface needs to be utilized for such trifling things as eating or playing Monopoly. If the table tent accidentally falls, I find myself fighting out from the collapse, similar to what my dog does when I throw her blanket over her head. We both fight blindly, knocking into the walls, banging our heads on the floors, or running into a door. Fighting against the discomfort of what we reject is that “knee-jerk” reaction; fighting blindly and getting hurt in the process.

Nevertheless, when we calmly allow ourselves to sit in the doldrums, we can address the situation more constructively. We have time to examine the emotions that are tied with the event, and we instead, make better and more suited plans. A plan that will adjust accordingly to our needs…like we adjust our sails. Through stillness, meditation, and prayers, the winds will pick up once again. Before too long, we find ourselves cruising at a comfortable 10 knots!

With any loss, we struggle and fight blindly with denial and anger before resigning to reality. A reality we don’t want, but a reality with what has been given.

Like the quote states, it is who we are becoming after loss that honors our purpose and our memory of what we cannot change.

May you find pleasure in your doldrums.

Tuesday, January 18, 2022 Quote of the day

“It is only growth, reform, and change, paradoxically enough, that true security is found.”

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

In our hurried world, it seems as though there are quick remedies to whatever ails us. From that first cup of coffee in the morning to a glass of pinot noir in the evening, we reach for reliable fast fixes. Unlike the magic properties of caffeine as well as the harvested grape, when we are experiencing a loss, there are no fast fixes. Although my blog centers mostly around grieving a departed loved one, we grieve many losses throughout our lives.

It is likely most of us were not hired for a position or were let go from a company. Divorce statistics in the United States still hover at 50% and even a higher percentage for second marriages. Waving good-bye to a child going to college or basic training, pulls at the heartstrings, while relocating for work or retirement are all quite possible! The only certainty in our lives is uncertainty, and with uncertainty is loss; losses requiring us to transform and grow.

Whatever way works best for you to transform and grow is yours and yours only. Only you know what will be the best route. Listen to your inner voice, your soul, before sailing forward. Ella Wheeler Wilcox’s poem, so beautifully and so simplistically, helps us navigate through as we find our way once more to a new tomorrow.

“The Winds of Fate”

One ship drives east and another drives west

With the self-same winds that blow;

'Tis the set of the sails

And not the gales

That tells them the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the winds of fate

As we voyage along through life;

'Tis the set of the soul

That decides its goal

And not the calm or the strife.

Wishing calm winds of change for you.

Thursday, January 13, 2022 Quote of the day

“A person’s mind is not a container to be filled, but rather

a fire to be kindled.”

Dorothea Brande

From many aspects, a fire is devastating because of the destruction it leaves in its path. On the other hand, a fire can also provide the soil with what it needs. Then nature can renew and replenish itself. The forest floor lets go of what it was and begins to slowly transform into what it will become.

I want to use the ashes of the experiences I shared with Jim as fodder for my life that is yet to be. Our lives together were richly blessed, so it would be a tragedy to not celebrate that. If anything, it should fuel my desire to live more fully. The Dali Lama said “everyday, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it.”

God is the benefactor of all things good: my husband, my children, my friends, my work. I thank the Creator for my grief because it means I’ve loved deeply. Releasing our loved one back into the arms of God is the hardest, yet most loving act we can do. When we accept rather than fight, our hearts can open to the gifts of peace and joy. We would love for the forests to remain unchanged, but that is not how the Universe is designed.

In my memoir, Choosing To See: How Miracles Carry Us Through To The Other Side Of Grief, I said that, “death is only sad when you’re on the living side of it.” We are only sad because we are the ones left behind, but I believe all those who have crossed over are deliriously happy!

Ms. Brande’s quote explains that the mind is not a container to be filled. Remember, we already have the capacity to heal, to love and to grow. I would further acknowledge that our soul is kindling igniting our passions to drive us to go forward.

May you realize the depth of your capacity. See you Tuesday

wednesday, January 12, 2022 Quote of the day

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all the darkness.”

Desmond Tutu

I recently shared with my daughter three hopes I have for her. The first is to have confidence and to know her worth. The second is for strength to go after her dreams, and finally, always remember she is loved. She responded exuberantly by saying that it will take her whole life to uncover all those possibilities.

She chose the word uncover, and I thought that to be very poetic. Find, search, or discover are words notably used when pursuing goals and thinking about the future. However, those signify things outside of ourselves but uncover…to uncover suggests that it already exists from within.

In the very beginning of my grief, I wanted to cover up my pain, but nothing fixed it. However, as time passed, I began sifting through what was left. I kept a hope that I could allow enough Light to penetrate through to uncover more than I thought possible. What I found was what never fades, and that was love. I set aside the fear of life without Jim and decided to embrace the love we had and carry it forward. We all have an unlimited capacity to heal because we have even a greater capacity to love.

In the poetic verse of Marianne Williamson, “Light is to darkness what love is to fear; in the presence of one the other disappears.”

May you feel light and love in your healing.

Tuesday, January 11, 2022 Quote of the day

"I no longer feared the darkness once I knew the phoenix in me would rise from the ashes."

William C. Hannan

Forest fires have recently ravaged through California and Colorado wiping away landscapes, homes, and livelihoods. Whether at the hands of humans or Mother Nature, these fires destroyed hopes and dreams. Within the ashes of the aftermath, lie the treasures that once were. The fires have left those victimized from something completely out of their control.

When grieving our loss, we feel out of control. Our reality now feels like it has been minimized to ash. Like the nature of fire, the nature of death has reduced our abundant and fragrant forest to a smoldering rubble. What good could possibly come from such devastation?

Although fires destroy, they can also restore. According to eartheasy.com, fires allow sunlight to reach the forest floor. “Fires are a great way of clearing out...they can break down nutrients and minerals in burning plants… thus making for a more fertile area.” The article further states that fires change the ecology and because of that, life goes on. Can the darkness in loss open us to a new light? Only if we allow the disturbance to renew us.

We are not the forest floor, but we are nature, and over time, we will find meaning to our life from the debris with which we’ve been left. What we resurrect from the ashes of our fire is the miracle. Our treasured memories are still intact, and the love and bond we shared are the nutrients. Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said that “nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” It has taken me over four years to even begin to tread in this direction, so allow yourself time.

May you find patience in your healing.

Thursday, January 6, 2022 Quote of the day

“As you prepare to step into a new year, let heaven’s Light shine upon you and brighten the path just before you.”

Sarah Young

Notice Ms. Young did not write Jump headfirst into the new year! Blaze your way into new directions! Run fastidiously onto a new path!

No. Instead, she invited us to prepare and then to step. She asked us to humble ourselves to the light of spiritual guidance. She warned us of looking too far into our future. When we live in this manner, we open our hearts to contentment and purpose.

Even though we don’t understand our situations, it is advantageous to take off our gloves and step out the ring. Instead of fighting against what we don’t want, we can choose to willingly accept it as part of our journey. Because we are one of a kind, our paths diverge from that of others. Therefore, judging others and feeling cheated will only lead to suffering; there should be no comparison. Submerge deeply into the adventure designed just for you knowing you are where you need to be. Here, you will find your purpose and live your truth!

Buddha stressed the importance of supportive and caring individuals in our lives when he wrote that “the company you keep ought to follow a good and wise man, as the moon follows the path of stars.” But what of the time we spend alone?

We spend more time with ourselves than anyone else, so we should be watchful of the good company we keep inside our thoughts. What is our inner dialogue saying? Are we forgiving ourselves? Are we allowing ourselves the grace to make mistakes and reach for second chances? Are we treating ourselves as we would a dear friend?

Stay in the moment and only glance to the future as far as heaven's lantern allows. Step gently knowing the greater power and your inner voice is taking you to your purpose.

Think kindly of yourself. See you Tuesday

Wednesday, January 5, 2022 Poem of the day

“I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.”

William Ernest Henley

William Ernest Henley wrote one of my most beloved poems, “Invictus.” The poem reflects how life’s adversities do not have to break us. “My head is bloody but unbowed,” illustrates this point magnificently!

When my brother, Howard, was undergoing cancer treatments, we read ‘Invictus' together quite often. Knowing his cancer was terminal, Howard remained steadfast and upright until the very end. After he passed, I was sorting through his desk and found the copy of “Invictus” I had given him taped in his top drawer. And the tears flowed.

Howard had larger-than-life dreams, which turned into accomplishments; he fulfilled so many. He wanted to continue, but his time here was finished. Although we record our dreams in pen, we lack the clarity to orchestrate how they will unfold, for the orchestration is God’s will. Our purpose is to keep our pencils sharpened and ourselves aligned with our higher perspective, our Creator, so we can continue to transform. Both my brother and Jim did just that as they embraced their diseases, which fueled them to continue their purpose.

Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein, wrote that “Nothing contributes so much to soothing the mind as a steady purpose—a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.” Each and every one of us are here for a reason. We have value. We have importance. To paraphrase a Buddhist reflection, without you, a rose would have no smell, touch, or beauty. We all add beauty and validity to our world simply by being in it!

The world is a mirror of who we are. What does your reflection

tell of you?

Storylight A transformational journey SHARON M WIBLE