wednesday, July 31, 2024 Quote of the week

“Sharing knowledge occurs when people are genuinely interested in helping one another develop new capacities for action…”

Peter Senge

In the 1970s, Faberge ran a catchy shampoo commercial. In it, spokesperson Heather Locklear loved the product, so she told a couple of her friends about it. Her two friends liked it as well, so they each told two friends, and those two friends told two friends, and so on, and so on. Multiplying images of the varying women, thrilled with their bouncy hair, filled the TV screen. Mike Myers satirically reconstructs the theme in the movie Wayne’s World. The spoof went over the heads of younger viewers, but their parents certainly remember it!

Nowadays, social media platforms make it easy to ask for recommendations for the best painter, plumber, or house sitter. Friends advise which services are best and which ones should be avoided. From their experience, our friends and family point us in the right direction, so we can make the best choice.

The only control we have in life is our choices. We control which grooming product to buy or which electrician to hire, however, we cannot control what life bestows to us, or in some cases, how life can pummel us. Reaching out for help during grieving is most important! After losing a loved one, the strength given to us through our supportive relationships makes all the difference. We are most resilient when we succumb to our vulnerability, when we lower our defenses and choose to reach those whom we trust. Those who are there to provide comfort and encouragement. Their advice nudges us forward. But it’s our choice to ask.

Sure, we can choose to turtle within ourselves; we can choose to isolate and wither and pity our predicament and throw away opportunities. Or we can choose to focus on those who nourish us with encouragement and love and their well-seasoned advice. Those who have lived through earth-shattering losses are now the mentors. When we share our grief, we develop a community of strength. We can either try to walk alone or in stride with others…others who have traveled there before and most assuredly, will again.

People, who genuinely care about your pain and your healing are your steadfast strength. They are building muscle so you can be that strength when someone will need you! Then those friends will help others and so on and so on…

wednesday, July 24, 2024 Quote of the week

“You are not broken, you are becoming.”

Bianca Sparacino

Who can raise a hand in complete disagreement with Sparacino? I’ve even described myself as not just broken but shattered. Trying to pick up the pieces, I thought I could simply “fix” how I felt. If I did this plus this, then it should equal relief, but grieving doesn’t work that way. It’s a complicated and arduous process; one that needs to be lived, not covered up with busyness but rather painstakingly experienced.

There was nothing I could fix but rather just do the process itself in the best way I knew how. “Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself;” Steve Maraboli quotes, “you are not broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure.” In all my imperfections, I found somewhere deep within me the power to move forward.

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” I will eventually heal from my brokenness, but the residual fracture will always be apparent like a nail removed from a piece of wood; the mark is left behind. I’m forever changed from what I was when I was with my husband to what I am becoming.

“So the challenge before you each day,” Sarah Young reminds us, “is to be joyful in the midst of brokenness.” I slowly awakened to the fact that I was still here. Because of my faith, I believed that everything is in God’s perfect timing. There was still much to do and to use what I was discovering within me to continue in whatever path that was to be.

Although we will never be the same, we can reassemble ourselves into something new. Similar to how a mosaic reassembles shards of color and shape into a new composition, a unique and beautiful creation is emerging…it is becoming. Beauty that could only have been born because of the severity of loss.

My mantra inspired from Psalm 31: 14-15, I trust you, Jesus, because you’re my God. My time is in your hands.

We are becoming.

wednesday, July 17, 2024 Quote of the week

"The ocean is full of treasures, but if you swim on the surface, you won’t see them all.”

When I was in grade school, I played Atari. Resembling the ideology of a tennis match or a ping pong game, two rectangles battled it out to launch the circle over a line. Much has changed since then, for now there are graphically designed video games and virtual reality goggles. The first time I donned a VR headset, I was immersed in an African veldt. I looked down, and to my shock, a little girl from a neighboring tribe was standing there staring up at me!

Attractions and museums have greatly changed over the years, becoming much more interactive. The World War II History Museum in New Orleans is a great example as well as The National September 11 Memorial & Museum, and the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit. I attended the Titanic exhibit in Branson, and I was overwhelmed! To stand on the grand staircase or embrace the railing of the declining deck, immersed me into its tragedy.

If the attractions were never built, we would have been deprived of the historical treasures and stories. The artifacts and the memories would have been forever lost. Author, Kenneth Blanchard said that, “the best way to teach people is by telling a story,” and that’s what interactive attractions are indeed accomplishing. But what about the story we can tell? In what ways can we immerse ourselves into each other's lives during our grieving?

We learn from suffering through our losses, and when ready, we can also be the best teachers for those who are in a deepened state of grieving. Professor Robert McKee reminds us that “storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world.” Our stories of grief and of healing are someone else’s treasure because our exchange of ideas like ointment does to a wounds.

Be brave enough to share how you feel, the steps you are taking to heal, and how you are managing to move forward.

Immerse yourself in life, light, and love.

wednesday, July 10, 2024 Quote of the week

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Haruki Murakami

This is not a very cheery quote, but it speaks the truth. Pain is never welcomed into our lives; in fact, we do everything to sidestep it like we would fire ants or potholes. In last week's blog, I focused on the relentless duty of parents and the myriad of ways in which they protect their children from dangers. Unbeknownst to kids, safety nets are placed all around them, disarming all the hidden potential for bandages and ice packs. However, as Haruki Murakami proposes, pain is inevitable and will invite itself in.

When my son Tim was two, I bought him a little red plastic ATV from K-Mart. It was a “scoot around” kind, not the motorized kind, so it was perfect for his age. He couldn’t wait to get home and was thrilled to ride it. I lifted it out of the back seat of the car and set it on the driveway as he tumbled out of his car seat, bolted for the trike, and jumped on.

Tim lifted his tiny velcroed tennies high in the air and swiftly sailed down the gradual slope of the driveway and directly into the path of our wooden mailbox post. I could see how all of this was going to happen…and I let it. I knew he would hit it, but by the angle, he would dump into the soft grass, not onto the asphalt street. I knew he’d be fine and thought this was a good time, a good lesson, to learn how to hurt.

Dragging himself up from the wreckage, his quivering bottom lip pulled up over his upper, Tim let out a mournful groan. I am not sure if it was as much physical pain, but of shock, embarrassment, disbelief. How could something so perfect betray him? I held him for a moment, and began to think about how I needed to respond. Alan Watts said, “There will always be suffering. But we must not suffer over the suffering.” In other words, how long was Tim going to stay in the state of suffering?

Funnily enough, he blamed it on the ATV! This reframed my thoughts, so it was actually very simple. I told him he was alright, and I asked him what he would do differently next time. His little face softened as he negotiated this concept. Tim learned that getting hurt is now a possibility, how can he avoid future hurts, and what should he do when it happens again. He practiced going down the driveway again, but this time testing his reflexes and his wisdom in knowing how to stop...how to fix the problem.

Donald Miller wrote that, “Suffering ceases to be suffering when you have a redemptive perspective.” What can grief and the suffering from it teach you?

Stand outside of it, lift up your tennies, and attempt a different approach.

Storylight A transformational journey SHARON M WIBLE

wednesday, July 31, 2024 Quote of the week

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