wednesday, April 24, 2024 Quote of the week

“Forgive the past, and let it go with great gratitude. It will allow us to embrace the present and future with love, enthusiasm, and passion.”

Debasish Mridha

Throughout life, relationships change. It was nearly ten years that my older brother, Howard and I only saw one another on holidays, and we talked only briefly from time to time. There were never any ill feelings toward one another; we simply were on different journeys.

While I was busy working and raising my family, Howard was active in politics and served on several non-profit organizations. His passion was restoring old homes in downtown St. Louis. The theme of his short-lived life was serving the needs of people and beautifying the world around him. Fortunately, the fork in the road of our journeys finally looped back around, and for the remainder of his time here before he died, we shared our lives together once more. Oh, did we have fun! I miss him.

Through Howard, I gained new relationships. Beloved author O. Henry echoes the beauty of that when he said, “No friendship is an accident.” A few of his closest friends now became mine, which brings me much peace. Sometimes, however, after a passing, relationships end, and we can be at peace with that as well. Those relationships may mend over time, but we all need to adjust to our loss, and sometimes it’s not together. However it falls, is what the intention is.

When relationships end as the result of the loss of our loved ones, we suffer even another death. As we are maneuvering through yet another end, journal, read quotes, enjoy uplifting stories, write affirmations to yourself, and choose lighthearted movies and shows rather than Silence of the Lambs and Dateline. (Although I DO enjoy a good psychological thriller!)

Pause people from your social media that fail to bring you joy and a smile in your heart. Think of this as nurturing, not terminating, for you may find them on your path once more. You are nurturing the seeds from within instead of trying to appease or tolerate influences that will not fertilize your well-being. That is growth.

Continue to wish them well, pray for them, and move into the direction you are intended. American playwright, Eugene O'Neill, said that, “Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is the glue.” Ask Jesus to allow your eyes to open to Him rather than the fleeting plasticity of this temporary world in which we live. When we do, we experience true joy, peace, love, and ultimately restoration.

wednesday, April 17, 2024 Quote of the week

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as

they go by.”

Douglas Adams

English author, Douglas Adams, pokes fun at most of us when we are handling the numerous deadlines that fill our calendars. April 15 is now behind us, but many this past weekend were perhaps scrambling at the very end to meet the deadline. If not, fees and penalties would apply. At one time, however, the term deadline had quite a different and more ominous meaning.

The word originated during the Civil War. Captured soldiers were held within the confines of the POW camps behind looming stockades that towered several feet into the sky. A fence line was constructed a few feet out from the stockade that soldiers weren’t allowed to cross. If they did, the prisoners would be shot, hence the “deadline.” I am certainly happy the term has changed meaning and that Adams humorously proves how we as humans procrastinate. Eventually, we all hit the target and manage to X out another item on our lists.

When it comes to grieving, though, there are no deadlines as to when you will hit the markers for your healing. That is up to each individual. Elisabeth Kubler Ross defines grief in a series of five stages. However, the stages are not arranged on a chronological timeline. Instead, the five stages Kubler Ross explains, can jump from stage one of denial to the acceptance of stage four and then back to one again. There is no logical sense that can be made regarding the loss of a loved one.

Widow and writer, Lisa Appelo, said that, “No one else gets to give you a timeline for your grief.” Be gentle with your friends and family when they suggest that you should let go and move on down the timeline and away from what was. They want you to heal, so their comments are genuine and said out of love. That is a gift to treasure.

A man asked me to join him for coffee, and I said I was recently widowed and wasn’t ready. He offered his condolences and asked how long it had been. I answered that it was coming up on five years. He had the most befuddled look on his face because I assume he thought that five years was not very recent. For my heart though, it was.

Allow those imaginary deadlines for grieving whoosh on by without the need to explain or justify. Famed author, Mitch Album said that, “It is never too late or too soon, it is when it’s supposed to be.”

Allow yourself to be.

wednesday, April 10, 2024 Quote of the week

“The best freedom is being yourself.”

Jim Morrison

As my friends stood in line to board a cable car, I hesitantly stood back. The ride promised a breathtaking view of a cascading waterfall over 200 feet below. The area around the falls were drenched with lush green landscape of the tropics with the Andes Mountains lingered majestically in the background. The cable car landed on the platform. The creaky hinged door opened, and my friends eagerly jumped in with great enthusiasm. I stayed on the platform.

Lewis Carroll wrote that “in the end…we only regret the chances we didn’t take, and the decisions we waited too long to make.” That rickety cable car, or at least that's what it looked like to me, was not a regret. We all have kryptonite, and mine is falling from great heights. While I was still debating on whether or not to go, I asked myself, “is this something I will regret if I don’t do it? My heart quickly said, “Nope..I’m good.”

Jim and I took our young family to California in the early 2000s. We hiked up Moro Rock, but half way up, I wanted to turn back. My center of gravity shifted, and I felt dizzy. The What if’s suddenly played a soundtrack in my head: What if I fall? What if one of my children fell? What if there was an earthquake and the entire mountain crumbled?

I stopped and sorted through my fears, and three things came to mind: I want to experience this with my children, and if I turned around, that would not happen. Next, what would my children learn from my actions? Thirdly, Jason Holmes would kill me for coming all this way and not seeing the Continental Divide! Without question, this would be a regret, so I bolted forward. No regrets!

As I reflect back on these two incidents, it was clear what choice I was to make in each instance. However, deciding to move forward or to hold back after suffering a loss of a loved one can be quite conflicting. If we let grief continue to grasp at our ambitions and our purpose, then death truly wins. Nonetheless, “You were made by God,” Rick Warren states, “and He has a purpose and a plan for your life.” Listen to the nudges, be yourself, and carry the love with you. Kindly ask Greif to release its hold, and go boldly in your new direction designed by our Creator.

John Barrymore wrote, “A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.” Let the shackles of grief fall away as you freely choose your awaiting adventures!

Regret less. Do more!

wednesday, April 3, 2024 Quote of the week

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”

Napoleon Hill

Most of March was a blur. Although this feels more like a journal entry than my usual StoryLight blog, I cannot go forward unless I share.

In early March, my son-in-law had open heart surgery to correct a birth defect. Even though he knew it would need attention at some point, that some point arrived much earlier than expected. Now it was time, so at the age of thirty-three, the surgery was scheduled.

My daughter recounts that the time leading up to that day was excruciating; both felt confused and scared. The enlightened poet Rumi wrote, “Don’t get lost in your pain, know that one day your pain will become your cure” and that is what this young couple embraced. They held onto the hope that this would bring him to a healthier life.

Family and friends surrounded them that day and beyond with prayers, food, and simply their presence. He has a long road of recovery, but he is already ahead of his healing schedule. Roy Bennett reminds us that “your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life…tough situations build strong people in the end.” I wished I could have traded places with him, but obviously this was not my journey to take. This event, however, has bonded those two even closer than before. They are indeed stronger people.

March also ushered in a new decade for me. I turned sixty, and in the midst of all the turmoil, my daughter and my friends threw me a surprise party. Sixty isn’t so bad! A new career path opened for me, so for the first time in twenty years I had a job interview. I begin the middle of April as an evening reading coach for a company here in St. Louis. Finally, I traveled to Ecuador with my tribe of friends for spring break. Since my son-in-law was doing so well, I felt comfortable leaving. At sixty, I hiked the Amazon rainforest, sailed on a bamboo raft down the Napo River, and simultaneously stood in the Northern and Southern Hemispheres all the while sharing it all with some amazing people. All that condensed into a span of thirty-one days.

Sheryl Crow sings in her song “Lifetimes” that we can live lifetimes in a single day and that indeed is what the last few weeks have been like. I prayed incessantly for help during this time. Rebekah Lyons wrote that, “We can invite God into our struggle and share our overwhelm, asking Him to reveal what He wants to gift us in this season.” I did just that, but I am very good with just being whelmed for a while.

I now release the joy that adversity provides.

Storylight A transformational journey SHARON M WIBLE

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