wednesday, October 26, 2022 Quote of the day

“I can shake off everything as I write. My sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.”

Anne Frank

Oh, Anne. What a difference you would have made had you lived. Your passion for life, your sense of adventure, and your insatiable quest for learning are lost with your tragic death. The world was denied the opportunity to know you. If only you could have told your story. Oh, wait…you did!

Your grieving father recognized the value of your diary. Although painful, he realized the importance of sharing you with the world. You teach readers empathy and compassion through your faith and your unfathomable optimism. Your fears melt into courage. Your heartfelt accounts of an unbelievably horrible time in history, serves as the poultice for the wounds of grief. You have taught us to appreciate the gifts you were never granted. You continue; you continue to teach and to lift our eyes towards hope. Anne, you teach us to bravely live and proceed forward.

When grieving, we tend to spend a lot of time in our head wondering how things could have been different. We argue and blame ourselves for not doing more, or doing too much. Reliving moments of regret and remorse bounce around our heads like ping pong balls, but they will soon have to land. As Anne quoted above, it is only when she shakes her feelings out onto the paper, does she feel relief. William H. Gass wrote that, “the true alchemists do not change lead into gold; they change the world into words. Anne Frank changed our world through her golden writing.

Writing down our struggles is healing, and sharing stories of the departed keeps them close. Although grief will forever change us, our losses will eventually be transformative. Just as Anne found courage on the other side of fear, we too will find comfort on the other side of grief. “Show me the most damaged parts of your soul,” quotes Nakita Gill, “and I will show you how it shines like gold.”

See you Tuesday

tuesday, October 25, 2022 Quote of the day

“Write what should not be forgotten.”

Isabel Allende

Last week, the eighth graders completed their memoir writing. Some invited me to help them edit, and I was deeply honored. A memory written, whether happy or not-so-happy, becomes immortal; it will live forever. What a gift bequeathed to the world, and what a legacy that will withstand for many generations! So how is your story writing coming along?

Writing the stories of those missing from our lives accomplishes two factors. First, the stories keep their names on our lips and the memories alive in our hearts. Perhaps the most important of the two is that stories heal the heaviness of grief. Author, Jodi Picoult agrees when she wrote in her novel, The Storyteller, that “sharing the past with someone is different from reliving it when you're alone. It feels less like a wound, more like a poultice.”

I read a story last week about my mom to my students. She was the youngest of four and born and raised on her family’s farm during the Great Depression. Old Nance was their horse that all four kids rode bareback to school. They fed and watered her in the back of the one-room schoolhouse, and when the lessons were over, they rode her back home.

Home did not have central heating, so in the winter, hot stones from the fireplace were placed under the covers at the foot of their beds to keep them warm. When I looked out at my students, they were rapt.

For a few brief moments, Mom was there with us sharing her story, her history.

We live through the stories we tell. Stories, born out of the love we feel, are no longer trapped. When shared, they are the healing ointment, and the wounds of grief do not sting as sharply.

Write what you want to be remembered.

wednesday, October 19, 2022 Quote of the day

“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”

Wayne Dyer

Living the mindset of impermanence and staying in the present moment is the only reality. In Tuesday’s blog, I noted that my faith journey is now teaching me that God doesn’t take away; God takes back. As my days without Jim turned into weeks, months, and now into years, I feel as though I am crossing over the threshold of acceptance.

It is only now I am able to accept that God took back instead of God took away. It is only now that I am grateful for my grief because it means Jim never experienced it. Jim was spared the pain of losing his parents, a sibling, a child, or me, and for that, I am tremendously grateful. He was spared the pain of the suffering that his loved ones endure.

Although taken back and taken away may sound naïve or like a play on words, Dyer stated we can choose how we want to manifest our perceptions. The phrase reflects the deepening of my faith, and also the inevitable destination I am given through grace. I too will be taken back when it is my time.

Out from the chaos of grief, we are realigning our lives. There is power in loss, and eventually the grieving will redirect our perception, our faith, and the continuation of our journey.

My reality is that I will not grow old with my life partner, and that I will forever mourn. However, God has led me to the next path, which is sharing our story. Looking back into the past will not bring Jim back, but our stories do. Toni Morrison quoted that, "If you find a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." I encourage you to write about the lives you shared with those whom God has taken back. Stories are gifts that can be reopened again and again.

Author Alice Hoffman writes in her novel, Magic Lessons, that writing is, “...true magic, the making and unmaking of the world with paper and ink.” Rearrange your grief into a story of your very own.

Our loved ones continue through us and the stories we write. How great of an honor is that?!

Write your story. See you Tuesday

tuesday, October 18, 2022 Quote of the day

“It’s a day you’ve never seen before and will never see again.”

Steve Mariboli

On a quiet Sunday morning, I woke just as the light of the new day was making its entrance in the Eastern sky. The curtain of night was lifting and the gift of light, the gift of yet one more day, was making its debut.

When saddened by loss, welcoming another day is exhausting. Grief is heavy, and it feels as though we muddle, waiting for the day to end as we try to get through just one more. Rest assured though, those days are needed because it is part of the transcendence. At times, it is unconscionable as to how and why we are gifted another day when our loved ones were denied.

There is a plan greater than what human intelligence can reason. My faith journey has taught me that we are not guaranteed anything, especially another day. My faith journey has taught me that God’s got this. Before time, His plan for us was determined. My faith journey is now teaching me that God gives, but He doesn’t take away; God takes back. They are back with God, back to Universal and unconditional love.

We belong to Him, not to one another, so we don’t get to orchestrate the timing. My heart joyfully leaps when I give thanks for my wonderful husband. I give thanks for my parents who made me feel safe and loved. I give thanks for my brother with whom I shared gobs of happy moments. I miss them tremendously, and absolutely there is a hole too big to ever be filled again. But in the lyrics of Alanis Morissette, they helped to dig the hole much deeper.

As each new day presents itself, I carry them with me. The disagreements, the tears, the smiles, and the forgiveness. And the love, oh yes, the love. Mariboli further states that we need, “to seize the wonder and uniqueness of today.” For today is all we have.

Moment by moment, step by step.

wednesday, October 12, 2022 Quote of the day

“When the roots are deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.”
African Proverb

The photo of the day is another I took along my weekend hike. How often I have seen this majestic tree, yet never appreciated its message. How in the world is this monstrous tree still growing despite the awkward position? The sway seems to defy gravity’s pull down into the stream. What is empowering the tree to stand strong? Nature has so much to teach.

Taking the time to observe nature, it is obvious that life wants to live. In order for living to continue, two things must happen: the foundation for which is given, and the acceptance of what will happen.

The foundation on which we are rooted has everything to do with being able to find wholeness again after a great loss. For me, it was my tribe of friends that supported me when I could not stand. It was my daughter, Jessica who gave up her time to nurture me while she pushed aside her own grief. It was my school family that allowed me as much time as I needed. It was my faith in God and the messages He provided for me that our loved ones are just in the other room. In time, in God’s time, I will join them.

Jimi Hendrix writes in his song that castles made of sand fall into the sea eventually. Eventually, that tree will fall; its job here will be over. And we need to accept, for it is out of our control. But for now, it is here, just as we are. The ones left behind. That too is out of our control.

Faith is my foundation. In the book of Jeremiah, it reiterates the message of the African proverb: they will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. The Qur'an mirrors the same when it compares the blessed Word to that of a blessed tree which has firm roots and branches rising up into the sky. The connectivity that different faiths proclaim brings such joy. We are not separate from nature nor from each other.

May we all deepen our roots in majestic mystery. See you Tuesday

tuesday, October 11, 2022 Quote of the day

“Nature itself is the best physician.”

Hippocrates

Recalibrate, restore, and rest. That was the intention I held for the weekend. Nature provided the perfect setting; the brisk cool air and the boastful burst of fall color were the only invitations I needed. And so I accepted. Usually, my goals of hiking are to raise my heart rate and tire my goldendoodle. However, this particular one was a more meditative intention. I meandered.

The trail was already littered with the first falling leaves. Although not yet crunching, I heard their sighs as they drifted down onto the path. Tired from the long summer, they had worked relentlessly to provide breeze and shade, and now it was time to let go. I slowed down to let Phoebe sniff a bit longer rather than nudging her onward. I cast my gaze upward and saw the tree posted in today’s picture.

It was mighty, perhaps one hundred years old. Far above the trunk, it bore the scab of an injury that had happened long ago. Whether the damage was caused by fungi, bacteria, or lightning, it had found another way to grow. Just as nature heals itself, so must we.

In my memoir, Choosing To See, I wrote that, Life is scar tissue, bumpy, red, and swollen. Life scars us all, but the cuts that tear the deepest are those no one else sees. Although I could see the tree’s scar, the secrets of its injury lay deep within the rings. I simply appreciated its ability to continue.

Metaphorically, we carry injury within our human of fungi, bacteria, and lightning just as the tree. Paraphrasing the Greek physician and teacher Hippocrates, nature provides the ideal model for healing. Nature taught me a lesson today; to care for my wounds, to allow the healing, and be proud of the scar.

Be gentle with your scars and patient with your healing.

wednesday, October 5, 2022 Quote of the day

“Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.”

Sylvia Boorstein

At the start of our healing, it’s common to want to fill up on constant distractions, but that only traps it. In the evening of Morrie Schwartz’s life, he observed that “People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they’re running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find these things are empty, too, and they keep running.”

When grieving, we try to find ways to manage our loss. However, those avoiding the pain run to meaningless activities in hopes of filling the void. The void will never be filled, but the shape of it can change.

Shifting from mindless running to mindful stillness centers us. Stillness allows us to discover the newness that lies within. Being mindful releases the healing and helps us to rediscover ourselves.

Last week, I wrote how a driver can arrive at a new destination without remembering the journey. The same thing will eventually happen with your heart. Where grief once consumed your energy, you will eventually work around it. You begin to enjoy the little things again. The creases of your mouth might turn upward more often as the memories flash through you. You have arrived at this new destination and you’ll think, Wow, how did I get here?

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh proclaims his gratitude when he states, “thanks to impermanence, everything is possible.” Since everything is, then so is your grief. It will always carry itself somewhere inside you, but the severity of it will lessen. In 2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 it also agrees, “this too shall pass."

Safe travels. See you Tuesday

Tuesday, October 4, 2022 Quote of the day

"Memories appear in flashes of light, in short scenes, in reflections that can make us laugh or bring us to tears.”

Jacqueline Winspear

Grief is rude. It drops in unannounced, and it lacks respect for anyone in its path. Wouldn’t it be beneficial if it would politely schedule itself to fit more hospitably with those grieving? If it did, the discomfort might be more tolerable and certainly more manageable. Going through the grieving process enables restorative healing, so whenever it visits, we have to be ready.

Sudden flashes of a memory can trigger the hardest blows. Last week I shared how debilitating seeing a Hubbard squash in the grocery store could be. Big Red chewing gum, the smell of bourbon and bitters, and a bowl of chili on a cool autumn night are memory flashes that were equally as difficult as the dreaded squash. My mom and my mother-in-law both loved the hues of fall: brick red and burnt orange, so even color can promote a memory flash. Our hearts either respond with smiles or tears; sometimes both in the same moment. And herein lies our strength.

I have avoided photo albums for five years, but a few days ago, I picked an album off the shelf. It rested in my lap for a few moments before I opened it, and when I did, I smiled! I grinned and snickered remembering the meaning behind the pictures, and the times shared with our family and friends. I was elated! Tears did not win. My love for Jim and our life we had together did!

Wherever you are in your grief, honor it and give yourself time. It has taken me years to look through the photo albums again, but I finally did. Grief is not scheduled. It will arrive when it wants, and when it does, experience it. Ironically, grief will also heal us.

Let grief pass through you.

Storylight A transformational journey SHARON M WIBLE