Wednesday, June 1, 2022 Quote of the day

“Boundaries are basically about providing structure, and structure is essential in building anything that thrives.”

Henry Cloud

As we continue to heal after a loss, it is important to honor our hearts. One way to do so is to establish healthy boundaries. I struggled with this because it contradicts what I was taught, which was to care for others before myself. My parents were true examples of this; they sacrificed so much while raising my brothers and me. Therefore, I felt establishing boundaries was selfish until I learned that boundaries do not have to be barricades.

In the bestselling book, Boundaries, authors Cloud and Townsend state that establishing personal boundaries “...increase our ability to care about others.” They elaborate on this by analyzing the difference between selfishness and stewardship.

Selfishness is consuming ourselves with our own desires and excluding others. However, stewardship is recognizing we alone are responsible for managing our lives. In other words, Cloud and Townsend write that “we are to develop our lives, abilities, feelings, thoughts, and behaviors…when we say no to people or activities that are hurtful to us, we are protecting God’s investment.”

Boundaries are not rebellious, but are really an essential aspect of living our truth and honoring our lives. If we are to thrive after loss, healthy boundaries protect us and provide safety. Author, Teal Swan furthers this insight as she points out that, “boundaries are important for your relationship to the universe at large.”

Believing the Universe in not only around us but in us as well, boundaries are the cord connecting us to our Source.

thursday, June 2, 2022 Quote of the day

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious.”

Anna Taylor

Boundaries are vital within all aspects of our lives. Whether with a spouse, friend, child, or employer, perimeters are designed to protect. When we lovingly speak our truth of what we need or don’t need, we can begin to strengthen relationships as well as respecting our authenticity.

Speaker and writer Mark Groves stated that “Walls keep everybody out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.” It is important to remember that we aren’t alienating others and pushing them away. As we process through our grief, we can open the door when we are ready. If we fail to honor our boundaries, we are telling others that we don’t matter. In turn, we learn to honor the boundaries of others.

Social media and the digital world suck away so much of our precious time. The constant pings and notifications from our phones and computers pleads for our attention. Establishing boundaries with our devices is something to address as well, but computers and phones are how we manage our lives, so how can we set boundaries?

Eric Qualman, a famous author and speaker says that, “We don’t have a choice on whether we do social media, the question is how well do we do it?” Begin making subtle changes and figure what the boundaries for your digital use will be for you. I began leaving my phone charging in my office rather than my bedroom, so I won’t scroll through emails, news, and feeds. I am becoming more aware of the amount of times I check my messages and mail. Awareness is the first step to change.

See you Tuesday

tuesday, June 7, 2022 Quote of the day

“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.”

Rumi

Life is a…what comes to mind for you? Life is a roller coaster, a rat race, a merry-go-round, or perhaps a cataclysmic calamity. Our days sure seem to demand attention to challenges, deadlines, and the general busyness of life.

My brother Howard had so many irons in the fire, that his motto was to hurry up and go to bed, so he could hurry to rise, so he could hurry up to get to his meetings, so he could hurry home and make dinner. Although comical, and so classic of his larger-than-life persona, do we find ourselves in this mindset as well? As Nanette Mathews reflects, “If you’re always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in?”

The lives with which we are blessed can metaphorically be compared in many ways. Without argument, some days will be more demanding than others. However, some days won’t. Will we know how to handle ourselves on those slower days, or will we anxiously fill them up with more things to do? How about trying to do nothing. Gasp!

Recently, I engaged in an illuminating conversation with my friends Lola and Les about Americans and their incessant need to stay busy. Both are well traveled and Les, having been born and raised in England, brought to light the difference in European culture. It is accepted and valued in that culture to appreciate downtime…time to sit, to read, to walk…all without purpose or to measure productivity. It is okay to stop.

When we slow and pause, grief has a sneaky way of seeping into our thoughts; when we stay busy, we focus on everything but the pain we are processing. Grieving and feeling is the healing. Do not fear the quiet and the calm..embrace it. Today my metaphor is Life is a walk with a toddler. I am taking the time to look into the eyes of the people I encounter today. I am choosing to look at the intricacies of a flower. I am choosing to just breathe.

The picture is of our vacation in Maine in 2016. And yes, Jim and I kicked back that day with no special purpose. How lovely that was.

wednesday, June 8, 2022 Quote of the day

“Taking time to do nothing often brings everything into perspective.”

Doe Zantamata

Giving ourselves permission to stop is a giant hurdle. However, we don’t need to justify that need to anyone and especially with ourselves. Author David Kundtz comments that, “unnecessary self-restrictions and false guilt burden many of us and keep us from the peaceful times we yearn for.” He elaborates in saying, “Quiet time to be alone is not an optional nicety…it is for all of us. It is a valuable time well spent.”

Kundtz harmoniously resonates with today’s quote from author and creator Doe Zantamata’s insight. The two perspectives help me to envision our lives like a pot of boiling water. The urgency of our responsibilities and obligations with career and family are in a constant state of motion. Although exhilarating, our calling and purpose can also be exhausting, but once we turn down the heat, the immediacy of our demands slow to a gentle simmer. That is where we find rest and a calm state of being.

Thich Nhat Hanh summarizes our culture very simplistically when he stated that “we humans have lost the wisdom of genuinely resting and relaxing. We worry too much. We don’t allow our bodies to heal, and we don’t allow our minds and hearts to heal.” Our busyness can numb the natural healing process our hearts and minds needed when confronting loss. I believe that this process, however, strengthens us and provides vital nutrients to our souls.

Honor your busyness; honor your nothingness.

thursday, June 9, 2022 Quote of the day

“One ought, everyday at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.”

Goethe

Wow, how lovely would this be…to take time everyday to add some beauty throughout the day and into the world. It may not be as preposterous as it sounds. Possibly we can still be productive people, we can still honor our boundaries, we can still honor our grief, and we can still carve out quiet moments, yet still be attentive to others.

The quote from Goethe addresses concerns that could remedy our hurried culture. I thought back to my conversation with my friends Lola and Les as we discussed how we could adapt new ways to the existing cultural mindset; new ways that at least we could personally manifest. This is what I came up with as I intertwined the wisdom of Goethe and the intellectual insight of my friends.

Hear a song: instead of listening to the news, I will submerge into a meditation song or my favorite artist.

Read uplifting messages: ingest an uplifting stanza or a verse from a poem or song.

Look at a beautiful picture: any Mary Cassatt or Norman Rockwell painting will make the heart glad. Family photos will too.

Speak kind words: send a hand-written note or make a phone call to loved ones or an old friend, “just because.”

People…we can all do this. In the words of Mother Teresa, “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”

Get swept away within the ripples of kindness. See you Tuesday

tuesday, June 14, 2022 Quote of the day

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”

Albert Einstein

From the time I was a little girl, I envisioned being married with a house full of children. The chaos, the noise, the messes, the squabbles, and the love stomping and ambling throughout the rooms was pure joy. My vision I was tied to was not that of my fate; there was something else planned for me from the Creator.

My childhood dreams did not happen. Although I know I am never alone, I am physically without my life partner; no hand to hold, no shoulder on which to rest my head, and no one to grow old with me. Recently, this really struck me; my pictures of Jim are not aging…but I am. We were supposed to do this together. This was not the way our lives were to happen. Instead of noisy chaos, it is just quiet. Never could I have imagined that silence would be so loud.

Time lessens the sting of loss. Even though I yearn for the life Jim and I could have had, my life now is just mine, and I am learning to make the decisions that are best for me. Izzy Victoria Odiase comments to “always make decisions that prioritize your inner peace” and in my very first journal entry years ago, I committed to ten goals to prioritize my life. My energy that was once promised to my husband and the rearing of our children are now promised to developing my sacred self.

Committing your happiness and fulfillment on the “what ifs” of others fails to acknowledge your own unique journey here. In the book of psalms, 139:16 says, “Your eyes foresaw my action; in our book all are written down; my days were shaped before one came to be.” We are all destined for greatness even when our own dreams burst. We just have to push through and seek to learn. “Keep searching for the role,” Sarah Young proclaims, “ you’re destined to play in God’s great plan.”

See you on the playground!

wednesday, June 15, 2022 Quote of the day

“When you drink the water, remember the spring.”

Chinese Proverb

Years have passed since my greatest loss, yet I still encounter difficult moments. Grief is parasitic. It lies dormant until it suddenly feels the need to rear its ugly head. It swallows the hope for healing and smothers the love, the goodness, the memories, of what once was.

One strategy that seems to get me through these times is gratitude. Gratitude for grieving? Sounds ridiculous to be thankful for losing a loved one and carrying the death’s anvil. But in the wisdom of Alfred Lord Tennyson, he believes that “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” How tragic to have never had the gift. I am grateful to my Creator for having the privilege to have loved so deeply.

Holidays are the most challenging because we tend to reminisce on the moments shared. On a particular Christmas Eve, the unfairness of not having Jim with me left me emotionally depleted. Instead of succumbing to its power, I wrote in my journal a note to God:

“Thank you for my grief because it means you loved me enough to bring Jim into my life. You are the benefactor of all that is good. No one is in my life by accident. Thank you for my many friends and my family. Thank you for my greatest love, my kindred spirit and soulmate...my Jim.”

During the years we spent together, we thanked our Creator daily for bringing us together. We were so grateful our paths crossed and that we shared a little piece of the universe together, and that we will share eternity together as well.

Whether it is God, Mohmmad, the Universe, or the Source, give thanks, for if not for the spring, we could not have been submerged in love.

May gratitude quench your thirst.

thursday, June 16, 2022 Quote of the day

“Let God have your life. He can do more with it than you can.”

Dwight L. Moody

I’d like to revisit the quote from Tuesday that Sarah Young expressed so eloquently, which is to “keep searching for the role you’re destined to play in God’s great plan.” As I lingered over this a little bit longer, I was convinced that to search is not to seek but to submit.

Searching indicates one is lost and spinning in circles as to which path to take. Submission is not giving up and playing the role of victim, but rather trusting the Universe and resigning yourself over to that energy. Like a gentle stream, the energy of the higher power guides you to where you need to be in order to fulfill the greater plan. It may not be the plan you had hoped to have, but the plan our Creator has specifically designed for you.

As mentioned before, I set new priorities when finally coming to terms with my new life: Live in the moment. Prioritize each day. Allow God to lead. Listen to my gut, my instincts, for that is the Holy Spirit, the Universe speaks. I keep my eyes lifted and gratitude in my heart.

Dianna Hardy reminds us that “to submit isn’t to be forced. It’s to yield to a greater force than you own, in order to become part of the whole.” The notion that we are all connected to one another and to nature is a prayer in and of itself. Wherever we are right now is the intention of the greater plan…the whole.

Peaceful resignation to you. See you Tuesday

tuesday, June 21, 2022 Quote of the day

“Sometimes one little spark of kindness is all it takes to reignite the light of hope in a heart that’s blinded by pain.”

Barbara Johnson

A few weeks ago, I received a text message from an unknown number. The sender was asking if I had the drafts ready because they needed to be presented to a panel of his or her colleagues the following day. I simply responded back, “Wrong Number.”

The person quickly apologized saying that the number was entered incorrectly. The message I sent back said, “All good. Have a beautiful evening.” The message I then received was astounding!

My phone read, “Thank you, you are a kind person, I believe God will bless you.” Just let that steep for a bit.

I merely forwarded a sentiment to enjoy the evening. Have we become a society that has lost the interconnectedness with our fellow mates that my statement warranted a blessing from God? Is it presumed that rude behavior and sharp comments are the cultural norm? Have snarkiness and sarcasm taken center stage where once kindness and decency resided? Is this what we now expect?

We have no idea what others are experiencing, so taking a few seconds to be kind is quite an investment. By appearances, we cannot always see pain or loss in the faces of those passing us everyday. One simple comment or a gentle smile makes all the difference. Janette Oke observed that, “Getting things accomplished isn’t nearly as important as taking time for love” and I couldn’t agree more.

I’d like to assume that my texter was stressed by an approaching deadline and maybe, just maybe I reignited a spark of hope. Hope in humanity, kindness, and love.

Allow your spark to be the norm.

wednesday, June 22, 2022 Quote of the day

“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.

Robin Sharma

Robin Sharma is the author of a book, which I highly recommend titled, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, as well as the author of the quote of the day. Robin reminds us that words have incredible power. My son, Timmy, always said he would rather have someone beat him than to hear venomous and scalding words thrown at him. I couldn’t agree more, Son!

The simple gesture I made to have a beautiful evening given to a complete stranger obviously made an impression on that person. I thought back to a time when I volunteered at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. A student of mine was there, so I wanted to pay him a visit on the evening that I worked.

When I went in, his room was dark and his grandparents sat quietly by his bedside. I could tell he was groggy from his meds, so I just stopped in for a minute to say hello and to let him know his classmates were all thinking about him and wishing him a speedy recovery. In time, my eighth grader returned to school and resumed the life of a middle schooler.

Later in the year, he confessed to me that he thought he was in trouble when I came to visit him in the hospital. When I asked him why in the world he would think that, he said because I was his English teacher. He thought that I was there to ask about his late work or to give him assignments!

From the book, Heartlines, Genna Troy tells us to, “Remember your words can plant gardens or burn whole forests down.” Words have power to heal or destroy, but so does our presence. As a teacher, it was astounding to me the power my profession can have on students. It is humbling to think that what I say and do can impact another child so profoundly.

Sometimes those grieving need prayers or conversation. Other times, all they need is a physical presence of someone at their side and a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

The light of your kindness will always shine.

thursday, June 23, 2022 Quote of the day

“To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”

Helen Keller

If I didn’t have so much admiration for Helen Keller, I would have difficulty believing in her wise words. I have been reflecting on her quote for nearly two weeks trying to break down the complexities. There is a lot going on here!

Keeping our faces toward change is reminding us to stay in the moment, to stay in the present. Rehashing old situations or wishing they had gone differently changes nothing. However, lessons can be learned from them. Wayne Dyer commented that, “there’s no point in regretting about the past since it is the time that you have already lost.”

We can plan for the future, but change is the pivotal word once again. There is no promise of tomorrow. We lose what is real, which is the present when we let the anxiety reign over the next day, week, or year. Every moment of our life is the present, but too much energy is concentrated on either the regrets of the past or the fears for the future.

The frequency of the present moment enables us to open the gates of the senses. We see intricate details of a person’s face or flower, we differentiate the melodies of the birds, we feel another’s hug, and we experience the aromas and the delicate taste of those chocolate chip cookies from yesterday!

Our fate is undeniable; we will all die one day and be reunited with our loves. As Helen suggests, if we live in the present moment as free spirits, we can say we truly lived and have appreciated every moment, for that is all we have. Just a moment, one at a time.

Our decisions made while being present, will influence our tomorrow. Therefore, create the life you want as you are living it. As time helps grief to loosen its grip, we can begin to experience the joy of our relationships that we were so blessed to have shared.

Inhale Be In, exhale The Moment

See you Tuesday, July 12. I am taking some time to be in the moment.

Peace and love to you...

Storylight A transformational journey SHARON M WIBLE