tuesday, September 6, 2022 Quote of the day

“To let go, does mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be.”

Jack Kornfield

Words have the strength to evoke very deep connections. In my classes, an activity that always promoted great discussion was the difference between power and force. The question I raised to my students was which one would you rather have: someone to have power over you or someone to have force over you?

At first, the two words seemed interchangeable to them, but after talking, the kids determined they were quite different. The class surmised that force had a negative connotation; no one wants to be forced to do something. Power on the other hand, suggests authority or leadership. There is still a choice to not follow, but power felt a bit safer. I found the act of “letting go” to have the same kind of negative connotation as force.

During my healing journey, I was often reminded that I needed to “let go.” How in the world am I expected to let go of the love, the memories, and the commitment to which I was so strongly tethered? I struggled with letting go because it sounded to me as if a breeze came by and picked up the pieces that were once me, once us, and carried them away into a meaningless abyss. As I continued reading and studying the healing journeys of others, I stumbled upon the quote for today. Jack Kornfield broke the act of letting go simply to letting be. Eckhart Tolle adds that we should, “Just be. And enjoy being.”

Letting go still sounds a bit harsh for me, like force does for my students. However, I am looking at it a bit differently. Perhaps letting go for me will be one of peace. There are no guarantees promised as to how long my loved ones will walk with me, so I am choosing to find peace within myself. I am working on letting go of the mortal life I shared, and focusing on the eternal life of what will be. And just be.

Reside into the peace of letting go.

Wednesday September 7, 2022 Quote of the day

“Peace is accepting today, releasing yesterday, and giving up the need to control tomorrow.”

Lori Deschene

To let go is still weighty for me, so I am entertaining a new term: release. Healer, Jeni Dahn, experienced much of what I did: the passing of her husband as well as her mother within a very short period. These losses propelled her forward to rediscover her newly designed world. She stated that, “you don't heal by suppressing. You heal by feeling, facing and releasing it.”

Writing was conducive to the feeling and facing dimensions of my healing. Physically writing in notebooks was an aggressive process, which validated my raw emotions no matter how nonsensical they seemed. I poured my soul onto those pages for over a year.

Eventually, a list of ten aspirations transpired from the pages much like the phoenix bird rising up from the ashes. One specifically fits very well into the act of releasing: In my belief and trust of the Universe, I will do the best I can knowing change is welcomed.

In releasing things that I am not in control of, which is essentially everything but my choices, I am able to rid myself of the what ifs of the past and the sorrow in the present. Instead, I now have discovered an open lane leading me into a new direction. However, it’s a direction that could only have resulted from my loss. There is power in losing; losing can guide the way to new possibilities and adventures.

Release and merge into the open lane.

Thursday, September 8, 2022 Quote of the day

“If you surrender to the wind you can ride it.”

Toni Morrison

This week the topics of letting go and release have dominated the theme, so why not add one more: surrender.

I never doubted there was a God, but I did redefine my Creator as I aged. As children, I thought God was enthroned on a cloud, but as an adult, the view changed. God is an active participant in my life; He is a friend who always stands by me and a parent that guides. He is a God that gave us what I need yet takes back when it was time...not my time, but His.

Soon after his diagnosis, Jim began his spiritual quest to reevaluate the dogma of his religious teachings. Instead, he longed to unearth the truth about his faith and his relationship he was wanting to rekindle with God. One of the many sacred texts he studied was the Tao Te Ching. We studied to make connections between the varying faiths. In A Course of Miracles, it suggested that knowledge takes in more and more of the world, so unity, not duality, must be the focus.

The act of surrendering represents Taoism. We summarized it using the symbol of a canoe. One does not jump into a canoe and paddle upstream; one must ride the current while gently maneuvering the course the best way possible. One must ride with the current and surrender to the flow of the water. I am willing to surrender old ways of thinking to seek something greater.

Jim could not reverse his disease, but he learned to surrender to it. Jim could have chosen to fight the current, lashing out in anger and pity, but instead he followed the current. He maneuvered his canoe the best way manageable and viewed his cancer as a means to deepen his love and his faith. God gave him what he needed to heal that void.

Writing is my canoe. It has enabled me to climb out of the mire of grief. New ripples are in the water as my canoe finds its way a little farther down the stream. The stream that will eventually lead me back to my loved ones, my Jim, my home.

May you surrender to the current. See you Tuesday

tuesday, September 13, 2022 Quote of the day

“...’If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?’ But...the good Samaritan reversed the question: ‘If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?’”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I've been fortunate to have traveled to different countries and experienced diverse cultures. Each culture has something to teach, and I couldn’t have been more humbled by what I learned during my travels this past summer. My friends and I booked a ten-day trip to Peru. It was a guided tour, which led us through the larger cities of Lima and Cusco to the Uros Floating Islands. We even shared a home cooked meal prepared for us by a lovely Peruvian family who welcomed us into their home.

On a beautiful crisp morning in Cusco, our group toured through an open market. We were treated to fruits unique only to that region and saw hundreds of variations of potatoes. A man in our group wasn’t feeling well, so he sat down, and within a few seconds, he fainted.

We removed his mask and elevated his feet. Three Peruvian women, who were working in the market, came to his side and began anointing him with different oils. Our friend soon opened his eyes, but the ladies, who only spoke Spanish, rested their hands on his chest, suggesting for him to remain still. After a few minutes, he sat up, and the women were gone. They were back to work selling their produce with no need for fanfare.

These women simply saw someone in need. They did not overthink the situation; they just acted. In my culture, people are hesitant. Perhaps they are afraid of being sued, or perhaps it is too much of a bother. Maybe it is easier to look the other way.

As we look to find a new purpose after the passing of our loved ones, service to others helps our healing and helps us to discover our new selves. Gandhi writes a similar sentiment by saying, “the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Dr. King furthered this selflessness when he wrote, “everybody can be great...because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve…You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

If you don’t stop, who will?

wednesday, September 14, 2022 Quote of the day

“Life is a long pilgrimage from fear to love.”

Paulo Coelho

The summer of 2018 was the first summer without Jim. Summer school was not an option for me because I was exhausted from dragging myself through the 2017-2018 school year. That year, I lost my husband in August and my mom the following April. I just needed to stop. However, stopping was terrifying because it left too much idle time to simmer in my losses.

My friend, Justine, invited me to go on a trip. Through his high school, her son applied to take a twenty-one day European tour. Justine was going with him and thought the trip would help me weather through the first summer. I was still on the fence until she mentioned one of the destinations was Santorini, Greece. Jim wanted to go to Santorini but never fulfilled his dream. The trip turned into a pilgrimage; I would bring him to Santorini.

The trip was exactly what I needed. It forced me to go outside myself. I was among more than thirty students, living the adventures through their eyes. Always accompanied by my husband on trips, I was now alone, but not lonely. A community grew out from our individuality, and I made friends. We shared experiences of books, ideologies, and dreams. They provided strong shoulders for me to lean on when the moments were hard.

The experience of traveling and the people I met along the way are what I credit for the first glimmers of growth. Author, Ernest Kurtz, said that “[A] journey becomes a pilgrimage as we discover, day by day, that the distance traveled is less important than the experience gained.” Traveling enabled me to understand that everybody hurts and suffers; I was not special. It was just my turn to feel it deeply. I set aside my fear in order to serve and to satisfy my husband’s wish to be in Santorini. He is always with me in spirit.

If there is love, there is no fear. Be fearless

thursday, september 15, 2022 Quote of the day

“One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone.”

Shannon L. Alder

Although cultural traditions around the world differ, there are common threads running through them that connect with us all, which are opportunity, safety, and love.

Within the dawn of each morning, boundless opportunities exist. Opportunities to serve others, and in turn, letting others provide service for us. We cannot always be givers and takers; there is a blessed reciprocity. Author, Ellen K. Wookey reminds us that, “We never know what a day will bring us, but one thing we do know is that every morning we can wake up, smile and hope for the best.” Invest in your own creation each day.

Abraham Maslow wrote that people need safety in a warm and nurturing environment. In order to attain dizzying heights of life, he said, “What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” One can only look inward when freedom and human rights are provided. We hold the kingdom of God inside us, and as Ramana Maharshi lamented, “Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” What do you possess, and how can you use it to serve?

Galatians 5:13 reminds us to “serve one another humbly in love.” It makes no difference where we reside, what the color of our skin is, or what baggage of our past we bring forth, we all share existence from the same creator. When we lovingly serve others like the selfless women in the market did, we change the vibration of the world. Paramahansa Yogananda says that, “When we serve others, we serve ourselves. Do not think, I will help others - think rather, I will help my own, my world, because I cannot otherwise be happy.”

Writing my way through my grieving, is in response from reading all those who exposed their most intimate thoughts during their time of mourning. In reciprocity, I share my experiences in the hopes that we continue teaching each other we are not alone. Traveling teaches me that we all experience the myriad of life, yet we are never alone.

My pilgrimage is complete. Jim in Santorini and at Machu Picchu as well. His goal was to be well enough by 2026 to make the trek. I did it for him…my love and loyalty to him are my greatest act of service…so far.

Share what God has given to you. See you Tuesday

tuesday, september 20, 2022 Quote of the day

“At that junction in life you will need to believe in yourself to continue living.”

Bangambiki Habyarimana

The quote from the Rwandan writer and blogger, Bangambiki Habyarimana, deeply resonates with me. I see his quote as metaphorically comparing a junction to hardships we are confronted with as we traverse through our lives.

A junction is a point where things cross or join. Imagine driving down a peaceful country road overwhelmed with the sights, smells, and sounds of the journey. The landscape paints a beautiful scene of early autumn, the air is crisp, and the crunch of gravel pinging under the tires.

Suddenly, it all changes. From out of nowhere, storm clouds thicken the sky, and a cold ravaging rain pummels the vehicle. The road ahead diverges slightly, and two options are presented: pull into a ditch and give up, or wait, believing this will pass.

During the time we shared our lives with our loved ones, it was just as lovely as the peaceful country drive, but when they departed, the storm of grief voraciously rolled through our hearts. Eventually, we will have to decide what to do at this massive junction with which we are now presented.

Allow yourself time…time to stop, to pause, and to wait out the storm so to speak. The storm of grief will disappear yet will reappear again from time to time just as those in nature. You may wonder if loving someone so deeply is worth the inevitable fact that life ends, but then I remember what Art Williams said. “I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy. I am telling you it is going to be worth it.”

Love fearlessly

wednesday, september 21, 2022 Quote of the day

“At that junction in life you will need to believe in yourself to continue living.”

Bangambiki Habyarimana

Love fearlessly

thursday, september 22, 2022 Quote of the day

“Art is in the eye of the beholder, and everyone will have their own interpretation.”

E.A. Busshianhieri

Numerous times throughout our lives, there will be monumental junctions in the road where we have to make choices. They can be so consuming that we want to run from having to do so, but as the incredibly talented drummer Neil Peart wote, “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

Like sudden storms, losses can hit hard and from out of nowhere. Grieving from the loss of employment, budgets and lifestyles are redefined until a new job is secured. Children will move away from home leaving parents a bit lopsided until they find a new-normal. Ah, the new-normal…the beginning of something new. The new-normal is our new interpretation of what we want our lives to become. It is your canvas and your garden, so choose what you want to create and how you want to do it!

We understand the impermanence of this world; everything here has an ending. Mitch Albom, author and humanitarian, noted that, “All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time.” The junction in the beginning was confusing and overwhelming, but we soon realized it will lead us in new directions.

Choosing to go forward will never reduce our loved ones from our lives. Album further reflects that “death ends a life, not a relationship.” In fact, they are co-creating along with us as we continue to carry onward the traditions, the stories, and the love.

My own reflection from my memoir, Choosing to See: How Miracles Carry Us to the Other Side of Grief:

Death, like birth, is merely a process of living. The greatest honor to those we miss is to fully live that little hyphen between our start and end date. The shards of my life now reassemble a gorgeous mosaic, which could have only been designed from the cracks and brokenness of loving deeply.

Blessings in your new beginnings. See you Tuesday

tuesday, september 27, 2022 Quote of the day

“Mindfulness is the energy that sheds light on all things…”

Thich Nhat Hanh

When we are learning to drive, we are concentrating on every aspect. We are mindful of staying in our lane, abiding the speed limit, and checking our mirrors. With practice, we become more comfortable, and this activity becomes mindless.

Suddenly, we find ourselves in the parking lot at work or Home Depot not even remembering our journey. Have you ever asked yourself when you’ve mindlessly arrived somewhere and thought, “Wow, how did I get here?”

Ayn Rand said that, “Action without thought is mindlessness…” and in an online article written in Scientific American, authors Alexander P. Burgoyne and David Z. Hambrick agreed. They added that mindlessness is important “as we develop skill in complex tasks, we can perform them with increasing facility until attention seems to be unnecessary.” We mastered something, which in the beginning, demanded one hundred percent of our concentration.

Can we ever “master” the loss of our loved ones? I don’t think so, but just as we have to be mindful as we learn to drive, we need to be mindful of our grief. Pay attention to when you are hurting. Check in with what pains you the most in that moment, and as you journey through your grief, pay attention to the miracles sprinkled along the way.

In the early stages of loss, stay mindful as to how you feel and what you need.

Stay alert and pay attention along your journey, and you will find your way.

wednesday, september 28, 2022 Quote of the day

“Mindfulness has a way of befriending ourselves and our experiences.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn

In the beginning, grief is consuming. It sucks every bit of joy out of even the most mundane or routine events, and it sneaks up on us without any warning. However, as we learn mindfulness, we slowly begin creating a space of healing.

A couple of weeks ago, I was mindful of my need to go to the gym. Running has always been my reset button. After running a few miles, I walked out with my shoulders back; I felt strong and confident and more grounded than I had for some time. A greater sense of peace resided over me. I wasn’t trying to understand the mystery of why Jim isn’t with me. Instead, after more than five years, was I feeling acceptance? Was I healing?

Simmering in this calm state, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things before going home. The aisles were beautifully decorated with all things pumpkin spice, dried corn bundles, and warty gourds. Our favorite season was fall. Snuggling around the fire pit, sipping red wine, and listening to the strum of his guitar are my most cherished memories. Those memories used to sting so badly but now have become wanted treasures.

A bin of acorn, spaghetti, and Hubbard squash were all nestled together, which flashed a memory. I remember seeing Jim standing in the same aisle holding a Hubbard squash wanting me to take his picture. He grew up eating them and wanted to send the picture to his parents. For a few moments, I crumbled. Tears welled and the peace was gone. Grief returned but not for long.

I never imagined that a Hubbard squash could cause such anxiety. I welcomed in my grief, allowed it to be, and then turned my mindfulness back to peace. As author Earl Grollman said, “The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

Storylight A transformational journey SHARON M WIBLE